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Hello, my name is DRUGS.

I destroy homes, tear families apart, take your children and that’s just the start.

My name is drugs:  I’m more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold, the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold. And if you need me, remember I’m easily found, I live all around you – in schools and in town. I live with the rich, I live with the poor. I live down the street and maybe next door. My power is awesome; try me, you’ll see.

But if you do, you may NEVER break free. Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice and I’ll own your soul. When I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie. You’ll do what you have to just to get high. The crimes you’ll commit for my narcotic charms will be worth the pleasure you’ll feel in my arms. You’ll lie to your mother, you’ll steal from your dad.

When you see their tears, you should feel sad.

But you’ll forget your morals and how you were raised. I’ll be your conscience, I’ll teach you my ways. I take kids from parents and parents from kids. I turn people from ‘God’ and separate friends. I’ll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I’ll be with you always, right by your side. You’ll give up everything – your family your home… Your friends, your money; then you’ll be all alone.

I’ll take and I’ll take…

Till you have nothing more to give. When I’m finished with you you’ll be lucky to live. If you try me be warned this is no game. If given the chance, I’ll drive you insane. I’ll ravish your body; I’ll control your mind. I’ll own you completely; your soul will be mine.

The nightmare I’ll give you while lying in bed, the voices you’ll hear from inside your head. The sweats, the shakes, the visions you’ll see; I want you to know these are all gifts from me. But then it’s too late and you’ll know in your heart that you are mine and we shall not part. You’ll regret that you tried me – they always do – but you came to me, not I to you. You knew this would happen. Many times you were told, but you challenged my power and chose to be bold. You could have said no and just walked away. If you could live that day over, now what would you say? I’ll be your master; you will be my slave, I’ll even go with you when you go to your grave. Now that you have met me, what will you do?

Will you try me or not? It’s all up to you.

I can bring you more misery than words can tell. Come take my hand, let me lead you to HELL.

Unknown

If you think this could help someone, somewhere, why don’t you do what I have just done and copy and paste.

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Some Latest Outing Pictures

 

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Addiction & Survival:

How The Disease Of Addiction Originates

Addiction & Survival:  In a dysfunctional family where there is alcoholism, drug addiction, eating addiction, work-aholism, sexual addiction, gambling addiction or any other addictive disorder, the members of the family develop defence mechanisms and survival techniques on an unconscious level that make it possible for them to live in the system.

For example, if a ten-year old child lives in a family where Dad is a rage-aholic and throws things when he gets angry, children will probably develop behaviours that enable them to survive in the home. They probably know with ninety-five percent accuracy when Dad is about to rage and what precautions to take to feel safer. It may involve hiding in a closet, emotionally detaching by reading fairy tales, or it may be to eat so as not to have to feel the rage or tension in the home.

When these children grow into adults, they will take with them those survival skills that enabled them to survive. They may find themselves in situations similar to those they grew up in. Many of us from dysfunctional families are still using survival techniques from childhood in our present-day lives, but it may not be effective anymore. What it does is keep us from knowing ourselves.

The disease of addiction is a survival technique. Some may find it useful, dealing with the many unspoken feelings of fear, loneliness and shame that were not safe to share. We also may have discovered that even though our family situation was chaotic, we could control how we felt. We began to realise that there were ways to control how we appeared to the rest of the world on the outside – if we are acceptable on the outside, maybe we would begin to feel acceptable on the inside. To be in control gave many of us a false sense of security by keeping us from feeling the pain around us.

I realised that this false sense of self kept me walled away from who I really was. If the wall began to crack, the feelings of pain, shame and fear could quickly be covered by using. A substance of choice became a best friend for many years. But eventually the friend that once kept us safe and insulated began to turn on us and we were trapped in a way of life that was void of any hope for growth.

The shame of the addiction perpetuates the addictive behaviour.

I found that with alcohol I could control my addiction and feelings about my addictive behaviour. In time, I lost also to alcohol. Addicts may achieve sobriety and recovery from one substance, but find that another is becoming a problem. Switching one addiction for another is called cross-addiction. As long as we fear our feelings we will continue to cover them up.

In most families there are unspoken rules. These rules are also developed on an unconscious level and were the rules our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents grew up with. These rules perpetuate the cycle of shame that can make us vulnerable to addiction and its continuation.

Don’t Talk About What is Really Going On

When unresolved issues in a family are not discussed, they will be acted out by the members of that family. Everyone is aware that there are a number of problems in the family, but nobody feels safe enough to talk about it.

If it is ignored, it will resolve itself. I have seen seriously addicted individuals continue to live their life in their disease while the entire family denies that there is a problem – reality is not visible. If it is not discussed, it does not have to be explored. For those who are aware that there is a problem, there still may be some resistance to addressing the dysfunction, such as “I know I’m addicted, but if I talk about it, I will hurt and probably have to change”.

Certain Feelings are Not Acceptable

In this second family rule feelings are the enemy, especially feelings of anger, sadness, shame, guilt and pain. Some may even fear that their feelings will either become overwhelming and out of control or that feelings will kill them. If a small child grows up in a family where Mom loses control and rages every time she is angry, the child may grow into an adult who fears his own anger and the anger of others. When he does feel anger, he will probably try to cover it up or ignore it. Human beings were given feelings for a reason; if we do not process how we feel about what is going on around us with our feelings, they will come out in a dysfunctional manner. Getting angry does not mean losing control and raging.

Research is beginning to find that many physical illnesses are related to an inability to process feelings and deal effectively with the stress that is created by not listening to how we feel.

In a healthy family all feelings are accepted and validated.

If we are allowed to feel our feelings, we can pass through them and learn from the experience in the process. If we are denied our feelings, they will eventually come out in some form that may not be appropriate. Addiction kept me from dealing with feelings of anger, shame, unworthiness and fear.

Don’t Trust – The World is not a Safe Place

This third rule means many have an extremely difficult time with trust because it is not acceptable to talk about what is really going on around us or to experience all our feelings in a dysfunctional family. We find it difficult to trust ourselves, others and sometimes even a Higher Spiritual Power.

For example, if Mom or Dad breaks promises and denies the problems in the family that are difficult and painful to expose, children learn not to trust. In a dysfunctional family, members also learn to discount their own perception about what is taking place.

Children may also view Mom and Dad as the Higher Power because they provide food, clothing, shelter, nurturance, love and emotional support. If parents are not emotionally available for their children, the children may develop a concept of a Higher Power that cannot always be trusted to be available. Children use magical thinking: if Mom is unavailable, the children may begin to believe she isn’t available because they are bad. The children’s feeling of shame begins to build within to become a shame core. They may act out with eating disorders, using chemicals, fighting at school, sleeping difficulties or regressing to earlier behaviour such as bed-wetting.

Many of us believe that one day everything would be fixed if we just ignored it. It is hopeful we eventually discover that we have a responsibility to ourselves to break these family rules. It does not have to do with not loving our families or blaming them, but instead with learning how the family system has impacted our lives. Many of us are not capable of making changes within our lives until we know what we need to alter.

Beginning to explore the patterns in our family system is an appropriate place to start.

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Liberating

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Denial

 

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Eating Disorders and Control

Eating Disorders and Control

At Oasis Counselling Centre we believe that an eating disorder is all about the need to control. To be ‘out of control’ is to be ‘bad’. The eating disorder, particularly anorexia and bulimia, are almost symbolically exact replicas of this need.

“If I can control what I eat and what I weigh, I prove that I am in control.”

Paradoxically this does not seem to lead to happiness but to despair.

The need to control means that all feelings have to be shut off. Rigid boundaries are set that keep people, social life and anything or anybody good out. The act of self-denial around food is replicated in all areas, any needs are denied and seen as signs of weakness. This rigid and inflexible way of being, in order to feel in control, is of course another paradox. Women who feel self-confident and at ease with themselves are much more able to ‘go with the flow’ and accept life on life’s terms and therefore feel more in control of their emotions.

It seems that it is often a desire and need to be perfect that can be seen as a cause of the eating disorder. The need for perfection can start at an early age, perfect school grades, perfect clothes, perfect athletic performance – the list is probably endless. Of course these people or children are often high achievers but again it is seldom, if ever, satisfying to them; as they grow up they will need to achieve what they perceive as the perfect body shape and size. Orthorexia, the need to eat only ‘perfect’ ‘pure’ foods and to look down on those that do not is another way to control.

Over-exercising has been included in the bulimia nervosa category of disorders but this may soon become a classification on its own. It is a dangerous compulsion that leads to physical injuries, pulled muscles, shin splints, ripped tendons and stress fractures all ignored by the exercise addict. It has become another controlling behaviour that denies nutrition and energy to the body to control weight gain. We have probably all seen men and women running in the area of our homes that look as though they are near starvation and yet keep running to keep the ‘fat’ in check.

Treatment for eating disorders is notoriously difficult. The fear of loss of control extends to therapy and the belief that ‘they’ just want you to be fat. So first a trusting relationship needs to be built. The depression, low self-esteem, loneliness and despair needs to be looked at and spoken about. It will help to be in a group with others who have similar problems and probably similar reluctance to letting go of control. Being able to see the insanity of the obsession in others can be a great relief. As others seem to get better perhaps hope may dare to emerge.

Without hope there is no recovery.

 

 

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Lessons

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